Leaving All I've Ever Known

Today I leave for Korea. Today I leave for Korea! Today I leave for Korea? I am finally on my way to join my husband! Is it really finally happening? I am so excited to finally be back together again and restart living our lives side by side rather than thousands of miles apart! It has been 10.5 months and we are both so excited and so ready to be together again! It seems almost surreal that this is happening. I have hoped and prayed and longed for this day to come and now that it is here I am overjoyed with the knowledge that in a few short hours, I will once again be in my husband's arms!! At times it seems a bit like I am physically processing through every step of this move, but emotionally and mentally, I am watching from afar, not really comprehending the complexity of all that is transpiring. Even with all the excitement and happiness that this day brings, there is immense sadness and anxiety in my mind and heart. I am heartbroken to be leaving my family, friends, hometown, home country and all the comforts and familiarity of the last 26 years of my life. It is exciting to be starting on this new journey and such a great opportunity, but at the same time, I can't help but feel as though a bit of my heart has been torn out and left behind. I never ever thought it would be so incredibly hard to say goodbye to my family and friends. Each time I hugged and kissed each one of them and received their happy hopes for what lies ahead for us and looked into their tear filled eyes, I wanted to hold onto them forever and not let go. I wanted to take them with me and keep them close so as not to have to really say goodbye. I am a hot mess of emotions right now...I feel empty, exhausted and anxious and as though my heart is torn in two from saying goodbye and leaving everyone and everything I have known and loved my entire life. You would think I would be used to goodbyes by now, since I have said so many to my husband over this last year, but somehow this is a different kind of sadness and loss...when saying goodbye to him I felt as though I was losing my heart, that I couldn't breathe and that I might never be whole again; saying goodbye to my family just makes me feel kind of empty and a bit lost and like I am abandoning a little bit of myself and the life I love. I have always been close to my family and cherish each of them and what we share, but when having to actually hold them in my arms and say goodbye and know that this is going to be the last physical contact with them for the next few years...it has really ripped my heart apart and made me realize even more how very much each one of them means to me. Stepping out on a new adventure like this is definitely exciting, but all the unknowns of this new country and new experience that I will be in for the next couple years is definitely intimidating, stressful and a bit frightening. With everything that is going on, I can't help but feel a bit lost and overwhelmed. I know all will be ok and I will embrace each moment of my trip there and then my new life and with my husband by my side, all will be well. I am just going to sit back and hope for the best and do all I can to have things go smoothly. I am keeping my head up and my hopes high for all that lies ahead. And most importantly, I am keeping my family and friends so very close to my heart, cherishing each hug and remembering each beautiful moment spent with them. One day again soon, I will see them again and we will make a million new beautiful memories. Just know I am taking a little bit of each one of you with me and will always, always, always keep you in my thoughts and heart and hope that you will do the same with me. ♥